June 24, 2008

On this day, 4 years ago, I was sitting on my couch and staring at the wall. My close neighbor had just told me her best friend, Mary*, was the one who died in the car accident. I was shocked. I had just hung out with her 2 days before at my friend's house for a birthday party. And now she was dead.

That was one of the times in my life I felt like I had failed. I remember laying in bed that night and asking God why He let her die.
Why, when she had just told me the day of the party she was thinking about what we talked about.
Why He never let me see her again to ask what she decided.
Why my friend had to go through this.

A few weeks later, I was talking with Mary's sister, Rachael*, who had come to pick up some of Mary's things she'd left at my neighbors house.
We were sitting in the front yard of my house and she looked at me, tears filling her eyes, and she asked me, "You told me a few months ago that God has a plan for everything. Is this part of his plan?"

I remember looking at her and asking God what to answer. All I ended up answering was, "Yes."

"If that's the kind of man God is, why didn't He let us know she was going to die? Why didn't I get to say goodbye?" She asked and wiped her eyes.

"Because God doesn't always do what we want Him to do. He can take away the most important thing in our life just to prove how big He is. He has a reason for everything."

"If that's the way He is, I want nothing to do with Him." Rachael got up and left.

I didn't understand it either. Mary was only 16. She hadn't even finished high school yet. She wanted to be a nurse. She had a family who loved her.
But God had bigger plans.
He used that to show me that sometimes, even when we try as hard as we can, people don't listen. They'll take the chance and put it off one more day.
There's just one problem with that: You might not get another day. You might be like Mary, thinking you have another day to choose, but never get it.

It's like a garden. You can plant the seeds, but you have no idea when they will sprout. Or even if they'll sprout.

Choose today. Don't take the chance. Live for Christ. You won't regret it.

*Named changed

T1D

"You're not normal. And you never will be."

I remember so many things, but not much from before I was around 7. Some things I just suddenly remember, and it's like it happened yesterday. Like that one.

I was 12 when I was first told that. It was a week after my birthday and I stared at the person who said it.
It wasn't that it hurt a lot. I'd know this for a while, but hadn't ever heard someone say it directly to me.
Sure, I'd heard people say it in passing, like, "That girl is not normal," but just in teasing.
It was the fact that they were saying it for me to hear that I was upset and hurt about. They truly believed it.

Even years later, I can still see the look on one of my friends face. She was horrified.

"I am to normal." I told him. I didn't believe it, though. I still don't believe it. And I know it's true.

He shook his head. "You will never be normal. There will never be a cure. Believe it as you might, you'll live with this your whole life. And when you're older, no guy will ever want to take on that responsibility of you. It's too much work."

The truth is, I'm not normal. I haven't been for years. I have Type 1 diabetes.
You might not think I'm any different than you when you look at me, but it's true.

Things about T1D/me that you might not know:
1) I'm not contagious.
2) I didn't get it by eating a lot of sugar.
3) I have to put needles of insulin in my body (arms, stomach, legs) 4-6 times a day.
4) I have to draw blood from my finger 5-8 times a day.
5) I sometimes have the fear of falling asleep at night and not waking up because I might bottom and go into a coma.
6) I might loose my eyesight if I'm not careful.
7) I've lived with this for almost 15 years.
8) I don't have to eat certain things. I can go to a potluck and eat a bunch, as long as I keep track of what I eat so I can give myself insulin for it.
9) I have spots on my fingers from all the needles I've put in them.
10) I'm not gonna die.

I'm not normal, but in God's eyes I am. I'm His princess and He loves me just as I am. He made me this way for a reason. He has a purpose for it. I just don't know the purpose yet.

No matter what disease or invisible illness you have or what problem you have, God can use that to draw people close to Him through you. Just be patient.

God is preparing us for a purpose in His plans in some place, but we have to be patient while we wait. It may not be for years, but He has big plans.

He is preparing us.
For His purpose.
For His plans.
In some place in the world.
Watching us as we wait patiently for Him to make it clear.

Live for Him.

Top 10: Learning

I have learned many things in the last 2 weeks. Here are 10:

1) I don't know as much about the Bible as I thought I did.

2) I learned that there were 3 men who doted on King David after he was kicked out and did everything in their power to be closer to him. (2 Samuel 23: 13-17.) We need to be like that with Christ.

3) There was a man named Shammah who fought off an army just to protect his peas. (2 Samuel 23: 11-12.)

4) My pastor is an amazing teacher and I just want to learn more from his teaching. (I've known this for a while but thought I'd add it because I keep thinking this after every sermon/lesson he teaches. The 2 above are this and last weeks youth lessons.)

5) I have an awesome family and not so many people are as blessed as I am.

6) I need to be more of a lighthouse and shine so people know I live for God alone.

7) My church family here is amazing. They have welcomed my family like we've been coming for years. My pastor is super, his wife is awesome, and their kids are so sweet!

8) When Madagascar 3 comes out, I pretty much have no choice but to see it and make my pastor come over and watch it.

9) I need to trust God more.

10) I have so much more I need to learn. From the Bible and in my life.

My family is rich. But not because we have a lot of money. We are rich because we have made a choice to live for Christ. By living for Him, we have more than we can every ask for.

Here are the 4 things about Shammah from the lesson:
1) He had purpose.
2) He defended his ground.
3) He won the battle.
4) God got the glory.

We need to be like Shammah and here are the 4 for Christian's:
1) We have a purpose, which is is to tell others about Christ and live a life glorifying to Him.
2) We need to stand up for Him, even when no one else is, or we feel like no one is.
3) We can't win every battle, but we can win some.
4) We WILL give God all the glory, no matter what. God gets the Glory.